In some ways it seems like yesterday that I last spoke to Claire and in others it's like a hundred years since I heard her voice. It's been almost 10 months now and yet it still comes and goes in waves. I don't know how to truly accept that this isn't just a crazy scheme of hers and she's not in a teepee somewhere just checking out life from a different angle or something.

I really, really miss my friend and I can't bear that she's not coming back and she's not going to ring and she's not going to....the list is endless.

I know I've been rubbish at posting and supporting you all. Although I have had regular computer access for some time and I check here often I can't find the heart to post. I came here once after a long time and found out about so many losses - Addie, Jen, Sue's Mike - it was too much and I disappeared again.

Most days I try to concentrate on the positives but today I'm down and I'm thinking of all of you who have lost and am sending my hugs and my hope.

Dee

_________________
3/04 - Good friend Claire aged 38 at the time diagnosed with SCLC - limited to the left lung.
4/04- Started chemotherapy (carboplatin with something x 6). Also radiation
10/04 - NED continuing to this day
June 10th - next scans due, Claire is pessimistic
15/6/05 - Still NED !!

My paternal grandmother lived with stage iv NSCLC for 8 years before dying of a non-related illness.

Thank you Dee. I understand a lot of this that is going on. It is hard to explain but it is normal. The pain gets duller but never goes away for us. It is ok to not post if you do not want to. You have to do what feels right when it feels right. THere are no obligations, Just thanks for touching base once in a while. Hope tomorrow finds you doing and feeling a little better. Sending Hugs, Prayers and a Big warmm blanket out of the Dryer for comfort and strength.

_________________
April/03 My Wife Deborah, age 46, diagnosed adenocarcinoma NSCLC
1/20/2006 Admitted to hospital Respiratory distress
1/23/2006 Ran to the light and is waiting for us to be rejoined in the Kingdom Of Heaven Her journey is Over but mine lingers on for Now!!!
4/23/07 DEb is joined in Peace by her Puppy Dawg Daisy from Cancer
8/30/07 Got new Pup named Mocha!!

"No matter hnow much it hurts, No matter how alone you feel, Your friends will help you get through anything!!"
Scrubs!!!!Yes the comedy show!!!

The Reason I advocate
If you would like to see our family photos Click on this link!
http://deborah-wallin.memory-of.com/

My memory-of Link is good to go now if you want to see it!!

Hi Dee,
I understand...many of us do. It is overwhelming sometimes and plainly put- it's just hard. I wish I had words to help....I hope that you can take some comfort in your memories of Claire....and that I bet anything she thought you were a fantastic friend and was lucky to have you by her side.

We should all have a friend so special!

During those times she feels so "far away"...look in your heart- she will always live there.

Sending lots of hugs to you- remember that we are always here for you.

_________________
- Katie Brown, Co-Founder of LCSC- Director of Support & Advocacy

18 yr cancer survivor.
Certified Patient Navigator
www.iamkatiebrown.com


In memory of Jessee Dewey, SCLC
December 29, 1938 - September 6, 2003
Lisa Dewey- Jan. 22, 2007
my parents are together in heaven


facebook http://www.facebook.com/lungevity

((((((((((((DEE))))))))))))

I can only echo what your saying and how your feeling. I know in time this will get softer for you. ((((((DEE))))))

_________________
Warm and Gentle Hugs,
Connie B
Date Dx.d, 7/21/1995, Age 43, Adenocarcinoma, Stage IIIB, had 3.4cm tumor and three cancerous lymph nodes.
7/25/1995 had Left Lung Removed along with several lymph nodes.
9/9/95 Started Chemo (VP-16/Cisplatin), & Radiation (36 treatments). Cancer Free.
8/11/2003 CT Scan found 4mm Nodule Right Upper Lung. Did PET scan & Nodule Lite up. Also found a Tumor in my Left Atrium (Heart)
8/21/03 Open Heart Sugery for Myxoma Tumor in Left Atrium. During heart surgery (3) surgeons checked 4mm nodule & agreed it did not appear to be cancerous.
11/2004-CT & PET scan, nodule still there 6mm will watch.
4/2005-CT, Nodule still there and has grown to 8mm will do another CT in 9/2005. Waiting & watching nodule.
9/2005 CT Nodule has shrunk to 5mm. Doctor's feel nodule could be scar tissue.
2/2006 Having Shortness of Breath problems.
4/2006 CT, nodule 5mm No Change.
11/2006 CT scan no change in Nodule.
4/26/07 Results of CT scan shows I have another Noudule. Now have two nodules, one is 6-7mm & the new one is about 3mm.
9/2007 CT shows 3 nodules all mm in size. First 2 have no change in them. New one is very small. Repeat CT in 6 months.
12/11/07 Still NED
5/7/08 CT (right lung) (nodules watch) two new nodules I now have 5 nodules. Will watch via CT scans.
10/08 CT Scan showed 1 nodule 6mm has grown to 1.2cm.
5/22/09 CT Scan (awaiting results)
7/4/09 PET Scan (3 nodules in left lung are now 1.4c.m in sizes.
8/13/09 Did Bronhcoscopy
8/18/09 NOT Cancer, no cancer found.
Next PET Scan Oct 2009.

READ MY STORY @ http://www.lungevity.org/l_community/vi ... hp?t=13224

Lost my Father age 56(1970), Mother age 66 (1987), and Sister age 43 (1988) all to Lung Cancer
AVATAR is in Iowa @ the Presidential Cancer Forum