I am an only child, 32 years old, grew up on Long Island an d moved to California after law school in 1998. My parents follwed me to CA 3 years later as we always planned.
I have always been close to my parents. In November 2002 I took a cruise with my now-husband and his family. It was the first time in my entire life that I went a full day without talking to my mom
I had such withdrawl after day 3, I called my parents collect from Mexico for a 30 second conversation to hear their voice.
Not sure why but I always had an abnormal fear of illness. I wish I could put my finger on it. Anytime someone had a fever and nightswears, I wondered if it was hodgkins.
I became engaged in August 2003 to the man of my dreams.
I said in September 2003 "Brian, something bad has to happen in your lives, I am just too happy."
A month later my mom developed the most minor cough in the world, a dry cough. My antenna went up and after 3 days I wanted her to get a chest xray. My parents scolded me for my neurosis as did my friends and co workers.
After a week, I annnoyed my mom enough to see her dr. The doctor laughed at her, said it is allergies, go home.
The cough lingered on and off for a couple of more weeks. I said that is it, get a chest xray. My parents called the dr, said I insisted my mom get a chest xray and the dr laughed and approved it.
Next day I was sitting in my office at work. I called m y parents twice to see if anyone called and just generally say hello. Something in my head told me to worry. Suddenly around 1pm my dad called "they found a spot, she needs a ct scan, I cannot get her an appt until next week, so if you can do better".
I literally yelped at my desk, broke down hysterically, my paralegal, office manage tand secretary came running and brought me water so I could breathe. I called radiology at Hoag hysterial begging for an appointment. I got her in the next day.
My world fell apart, normal will never again be as I knew it.
Thankfully I was able to get my mom into top doctors as a rush basis. Did I misrepresent myself on the phone and get her into a oncologist who had a 3 month wait list the next day? Well maybe I did, but it was so unintentional, I can look back at that now and laugh at how ingenious it would have been if I was thinking.
I got married a week later, Nov 15 2003 in a small private ceremony. My mom received chemotherpahy. I had my big wedding on Feb 22, 2004 exactly as planned. The day after the wedding we saw the surgeon and were given the green light for surgery. My mom had surgery and thten 5 weeks of radiation.
Now we are suffering from the constant waiting and worrying. Will the beast surface. Will the monster return. Sometimes I cry for no reason. Other times I feel blessed. My moods are all over the place. My world is now filled with thoughts of cancer no matter how hard I try.
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I have never been happy in my career. I never cared for most attorneys. I have been told the profession does not suit my personality (whatever that means, no one will explain
). So I decided to change careers and hopefully combine my work with my passion--I want to help, I want a CURE for cancer!!! And for all diseases!!!
I gave notice at work and agreed to stay for 30 days or as long as they need me. After that, I am going to use my lawyer and MBA skills hopefully to transition into the nonprofit sector. The only possible good thing is that perhaps I found my calling and found out what I was supposed to do with my life. But it is too soon to tell where my career and life will take me.
I love my mom. My heart breaks knowing how she is more worried about me than she is about herself. My mom is my best friend and means the world to me. I always thought my mom would get hit by heart disease (she is fluffy, has high blood pressure and cholesteral and diabetes), or breast cancer or colon cancer. I never thought lung. She quit smoking over 25 years ago. This was beyond my comprehension.
My best friend is a doctor in Beverly Hills, he is a botox man
He knows my inner secrets, he knows for years that I had an abnormal fear of cancer hitting my world. He said to me "well now your worst fear has come true, your mom has cancer. you can stop worrying."
My mom and I danced to Wind Beneath My Wings at my wedding, there was not a dry eye in the room.
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