My sweet husband, Mark, was diagnosed with Stage 4 NSCLC in March of 2010 and fought so very, very hard. He just passed away on Friday, October 15th at 10:00 am at the age of 52. I was his champion through his treatment and stood by his side during the last days of his life - so I know I was strong and wonderful - but I miss him sooooo much and am angry that this terrible cancer has such little support. If there are others in my position who can tell me how they are surviving without the love of their life, help me.

Hi and welcome here. First let me offer my deepest condolences on your husband, Mark's passing. So young. I kind of gulped when you said his age because that was the age I was when I was diagnosed. So sad, This disease is a horrid one that takes so many.

You found a good place to see some hard work being done for advocacy for this disease. That is good and helpful to see progress when you are so sad and mad.

I didn't lose my husband, but my Mom, Dad and Sister all died from cancer, with Mom's being lung. While my grief is different, for a spouse is an entirely different relationship, than parents or a sister, it's still gut wrenching grief. So my heart goes out to you. I pray for his memories to become a balm to soothe you when you are lonely for him.

There are many women here that have gone through what you have, and they will be along shortly to give you more answer you need than I'm equipped to give.

Take care,

Judy in MI

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6/07 DX NSCLC, Left Upper Lobe wedge resection: Stage 2.3/4, (2B?) Adenocarcinoma, measures 2.5x1.5x1.1cm. Involving visceral pleura but not through it. 5 rounds chemo, carboplatin and Taxol. Subsequent scans NED.

1/11 3.5 mm node found. 10/11 CT node now 8 mm, and new 6 mm node. 11/11 CT Pet shows slight uptake. 1/4/12 Biopsy - Pneumothorax complication. 1/14/12 Lobectomy of upper rt. lobe. NSCLC Adenocarcinoma in situ, nonmucinous (bronchioloalveolar carcinoma) 1.4cm involves pulmonary parenchyma.
3/14/12 Begin 4 cycles of Cisplatin/Navelbein, with Neulasta shot
4/6/12 Chemo changed to Carboplatin/Navelbine without Neulasta shot. Reduced chemo by 50% due to intolerance.
7/5/12 CT scan is clean, NED for lung cancer! There are issues with liver and stomach that will be investigated but not believed to be because of cancer. Wait and see!

*Avatar was taken 7/3/12 on our way out to see the Fireworks on a friends boat on their lake!

Mom dx SCLC 1/96, passed 10/19/96, age 62
Dad dx Brain cancer 4/87, passed 6/87, age 57
Sister dx Brain cancer 4/83, passed 12/83, age 25

Hello and welcome. There are many here (unfortunately too many) who have walked your journey and can pass along their wisdome and support. I lost my mom on October 13 so am myself dealing with fresh grief, though not for a spouse.

A little farther down on the main discussion board is a thread dedicated to those of us who are grieving. You are welcome to post anywhere you think appropriate, but I wanted to point you to that because that is where you will find many people who have also lost spouses and can offer their love and support. Trust me though, post where you feel like it and we will find you.

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Susan

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76 year-old mom diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer January 5, 2007.

15 radiation treatments to the spine and four rounds of chemo, Jan-May, 2007.

Stable disease May, 2007-May, 2008.

Bone scan May, 2008 shows new mets in the spine, pelvis and ribs.

July, 2008--finished radiation and has a Quadramet treatment.

October, 2008--Scans show mild progression. Began chemo (carbo/taxol/avistin). Will have four rounds of threatment (every 21 days) and scan in January.

01/05/2009--TWO YEAR SURVIVOR!

4/2009--STABLE! No treatment. Next scan in July

7/2009--Scan shows pleural effusion. Fluid drained and malignant. Cancer has spread to other lung and a 13 mm lesion is seen on the liver. Mom to begin Alimta on 8/3

11/2009--Alimta was hard on mom and scans showed progression.

12/2009--began Tarceva, noticed almost immediate improvement.

2/25/2010--Celebrated Mom's 80th birthday!

5/15/2010--Mom watched her oldest granddaughter graduate from college and then paritied well into the night! She's still feeling great.

6/15/2010--Mom watched her youngest granddaughter graduate from high school. Still feeling great!

8/2010-10/2010--Mom begins feeling tired and stays in bed more and more. Scans reveal that the cancer is moving rapidly throughout her body.

10/13/2010--Mom wins her battle once and for all, and passes to a place where the cancer can no longer touch her.

For a more detailed timeline see:

http://www.lungevity.org/l_community/viewtopic.php?p=360385#360385

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband almost 3 years ago. The only thing that was helpful to me in the beginning was talking to other people that had been through the same thing. Other women were a great support to me. If you go to the Grieving forum you will find lots of posts that will help you with things you have to do now, and how to get through this time. If you don't have a friend to talk to then read a book about how others got through things. I posted a great book in the Grieving forum.

The beginning of this journey is so hard and extremely painful. A wise women on this board always posted "keep busy, keep busy" -- I took her advice and it helped keep the despair at bay. I am so sorry to welcome you to the club no one wants to join.

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Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
John Lennon

"Never, never, never give up." Winston Churchill

"I rang for ice, but this is ridiculous." -Madeline Talmadge-Astor, as she was being helped off the Titanic

"Losing love is like a window in your heart, everybody sees you're blown apart, everybody sees the wind blow". Paul Simon

Husband John has NSCLC-Vena Cava Syndrome Stage 3B, Dx 6/02
Carbo/Taxol,Radiation
Taxotere
Gemzar
Iressa started 3/03
10/03 Stable CT scan
1/04 CT Still stable.
3/04 PET Scan, Still stable.
7/04 Still stable
1/05 Still stable
1/30/05 Iressa discontinued Started Tarceva, still stable 7/05
1/06 Slight increase in tumor, stopping Tarceva.
1/27/06 Started Alimta
5/5/06 Avastin added to Alimta
6/14/06 Stable, continue w/ Avastin
1/29/07 Shrinkage! Continue w/ Avasin.
7/07- Something new on the CT scan, doing a bronc 7/25/07 to see what it is. 8/21/07 begins brachytherapy. Next treatment postponed until 9/6/7 due to an infection which is making him too ill for the procedure. 9/13/07 Diagnosed with Aspergillus. Has brachytherapy 9/20/07. Developed a pericardial effusion, 10/30/07 has a pericardial window to drain the fluid. Procedure goes well but he passes away 10/31/07 due to a pulmonary hemorrhage.
Pic is me and daughter Jillian aka The Jillinator.
Visit Walk the Walk:
www.michiganlungcancerwalk.org

Every time I come on and see someone new who is just starting out on this journey of grief my heart almost stops. It takes me back and I am sure that will always happen. Living with the loss of anyone you love is a long and hard ride. In time it does get bearable but you never really get over it.

We have all heard the platitudes like " He is in a better place" And "time will heal your heart" and "you have to move forward". If I tried hard enough I am sure that I could quote a hundred more. The truth is none of them help, none of them matter. You are in a place that you have to learn to cope with. I am not going to lie and tell you it will be easy or that you will "get over it" or that you need to "get on with your life". I am sure right now you feel that you have no life to get on with. Life pulled the rug out from under you. It takes time and work on your part to get your balance back so you can take those first tiny steps toward moving forward.

My heart truly aches for you. I wish there was a magic pill that would get you past these first gut wrenching days but there is not. You have to go through them and grieve. Cry, scream and throw things. Do anything it takes for now and when the time comes you will know what to do that is best for you. As you have been told read the grieving section. There are I am sorry to say many of us who have been where you are and will offer a shoulder to cry on or a phone number when you really need one on one. You will be in my thoughts and prayers and I know also in so many others. You have come to the right place.

As for the anger. I think we could all write a book about the anger at the lack of support and those who rob us of hope.

My sincere condolences. The loss of a loved one is staggeringly hurtful. No way to make it better. May you find solace from your grief.

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03-23-10: DX Malignant Pleural Effusion, Adenocarcenoma left lung
04-07-10: Pleurodesis and thoracotomy, left lung cavity
04-18-10: Discharged from hospital
05-22-10: Advised ALK positive
05-24-10: Baseline CT Scan
05-26-10: Begin first line chemotherapy clinical trial of Alimta/Carboplatin/Avastin
06-16-10: Second chemo infusion
07-02-10: Follow-up CT Scan "Substantial improvement overall"
07-07-10: Third chemo infusion
07-28-10: Fourth and final chemo infusion before "maintenance"
08-13-10: CT Scan shows continued improvement and 50% shrinkage since baseline
08-18-10: First infustion of maintenance Alimta and Avastin
08-27-10: Received 2 units red blood cells by transfusion due to low hematocrit and hemoglobin levels
09-24-10: CT Scan shows no progression of disease
11-05-10: CT Scan shows no progression of disease
12-17-10: CT Scan shows no progression of disease