I don't want to praise the Lord too much for providing me with such a trivial and mundane benefit but, I sure am grateful when my 112 pounds of cat litter arrives/is delivered to my front porch, mere feet away from our cats' litter boxes. "Auto Ship," baby. No more am I lugging 28 to 44 pound boxes of cat litter into our five-indoor-cat household from the local supermarket and/or pet superstore. I don't want to plagiarize a television "spokesthing" from my youth so I'll give "Speedy" from Alka Seltzer proper attribution when I write as enthusiastically as I can: Oh, what a relief it is!"
The litter is my second auto-ship of substance; having made an earlier/similar commitment to 16 pound bags of dry cat food. I do get some fancy, multi-vitamins auto-delivered and my wife, Dina, as well receives special eye vitamins in the mail, but I thought that was the only way to purchase them, given that the manufacturers were out of town so I never considered them an auto-type ship. Previously, I had always resisted inquiring about getting products delivered from a national company when they are available locally. My thinking had been that since I'm home during the day, and regularly in and out doing errands at many of the stores that sell this merchandise, why ship it when I can shop it? It seemed redundant.
Now however, given the pleasure I felt when I saw that litter sitting on the porch without my having had to life one finger; well, a few fingers initially when I "keystroked" my way through this companies online registration, the light has come on. Moreover, given the neuropathy I have in my feet, I'm tired of walking around those giant warehouse stores. Sure, the local proximity and availability is helpful but the bigger the buyer, the more effort the unloading/restocking is required at home. Perhaps I've simply come to a realization, and not necessarily an accommodation to my age, that less effort equals more overall value. And if in addition to less effort, I can buy products at equal or even lower cost than doing so locally, than I am sittin' pretty in high cotton, if I may double-down on the benefit?
Not that I'm overworked and underpaid for the household duties I perform but, I'd rather be under worked and overpaid, if you catch my drift? And given certain realities to the many tasks now performed by hand, it's up to me to reinvent the wheel, so to speak. And so, I'm starting to consider very seriously, ordering more stuff this way, especially bulky/weighty stuff and to let my fingers do the clicking rather than my arms and legs doing the walking and carrying. Let commercial/corporate America do the driving and delivering. I don't have to prove my shopping mettle anymore. I'm ready to sit back and let the boxes do my talking.
I'm not quite ready to order food/perishable however. I feel a certain sense of calm and serenity wandering down supermarket aisles taking mental inventory of what's present and what's not - and what's new and what everything costs. Not that I try many things as anybody who knows me knows, but occasionally, Entenmann's or Hostess or Nabisco will surprise me with a new item and thus will have made the visit all the more sweeter. I wonder if I'll have the same sensation perusing and clicking my way through a site that so far has been unseen - by my eyes, anyway. I guess it can't hurt to explore a bit. I mean, it's not exactly the dark web. (Is it?) Nor do I expect to use bit coins or have to create an avatar for myself. Nevertheless, the process does seem a little daunting; changing habits that have become habitual, and routines which have become routine. Seems a bit like turning an ocean liner around after it's headed out to see. They don't turn on a dime and neither do I. Still, I'm intrigued by the possibilities, and besides, I'm nearly out of laundry detergent.
Perhaps a test is in the offing. I don't think I'm quite ready to join a club/pay a membership fee, but I am open to investigating. Time will tell I suppose, as will my first bill.
Mr. Lourie’s columns can be found at www.kennywithcancer.com
"This column is my life as one of the fortunate few; a lung cancer anomaly: a stage IV lung cancer patient who has outlived his doctor’s original prognosis; and I’m glad to share it. It seems to help me cope writing about it. Perhaps it will help you relate reading about it."