In the spring of 2016, I signed up for my first indoor triathlon. I was 36 at the time, and I had set a goal earlier that year to be at my healthiest and fittest when I turned 40. I have two little ones, who were 5 and 7. I wasn’t just doing this for myself but for them as well. I want to live a long healthy life so I can be around to watch them grow up. I want to be able to stay active with them and enjoy exploring life together.
In October, during my training, I developed a cough. I live in Kansas, so the change in seasons hits everybody hard. I thought it was just allergies, but the cough didn’t go away. Then I started to have difficulty breathing, especially when I was swimming. I thought it was exercise-induced asthma.
On Thanksgiving Day, I went to an urgent care clinic because the cough wasn’t going away. The doctor listened to my chest and ruled out pneumonia. He diagnosed me with a sinus infection, gave me antibiotics, and sent me on my way. The antibiotics helped a little but the cough and shortness of breath were still there. So in January, I decided to go to my primary doctor. She gave me more antibiotics, an albuterol inhaler, and a steroid inhaler.
When I went back to my doctor in March, things hadn’t improved. I was only getting worse. I was in tears in her office. I hadn’t been able to sleep due to the persistent coughing and the pain I felt whenever I laid on my left side. My doctor finally did a chest X-ray, which showed that I had dual pneumonia. She called out more antibiotics and a steroid for the pneumonia. After a series of chest X-rays, my right lung had cleared but not the left, so she ordered a CT scan. My doctor’s office called me on a Wednesday to say that there’s something in the left lung and they’re not sure what it is and they want a pulmonologist to take a look at it. The pulmonologist’s office called me that same day and asked me to come in the next day.
When I went to the pulmonologist we looked at the CT together. He said that he had seen this before and it could either be a fungus or cancer. When he dropped that “C” word, I just froze. My whole world stopped. I think I blanked out for a moment. He kept talking but I wasn’t listening. All I could think about was, “Cancer? How did I get cancer?” He wanted to do a bronchoscopy the next day. I thought, “How am I going to do this? What am I going to do with my kids while I’m having surgery?” I’d never had surgery before and didn’t know what to expect. The pulmonologist was very calm and reassuring. He told me that the procedure would be done in a couple of hours and I would be able to leave soon after. It sounded so simple when he explained it.
After the bronchoscopy, the pulmonologist told me that my upper left lobe had collapsed 50% and was blocking a portion of my airway. He told me that he took samples of several nodes that looked suspicious. When he got the tissue back from the bronchoscopy, he sent it to the Mayo Clinic for a second opinion. A couple weeks later, his office called me in for an appointment and asked if I could bring someone with me. I knew it had to be bad news. My husband and I went to the appointment together. My husband told me while we were waiting, “No matter what happens, I will be here with you, helping you with whatever you need.” I think we knew the news was going to be bad but we just didn’t want to admit it. The pulmonologist walked in and told us that I have lung cancer. He then referred me to an oncologist at the Cancer Center of Kansas.
A PET scan showed I was stage 4 because the cancer had already metastasized outside of my lung to my supraclavicular lymph nodes and my spine. I can’t imagine how much further it could have spread if I had waited any longer to go to the doctor. My oncologist was getting me prepared for chemo while they waited on my biomarker test results. The results showed that I had the EGFR mutation. Because of this biomarker, I was eligible for targeted therapy instead of traditional chemo and radiation. I had two different treatment options to choose from: the standard targeted therapy or a clinical trial that included two different types of targeted therapies. The clinical trial nurse gave me the information for the trial to take home to read over.
I wanted to go with a treatment that is going to give me a longer life because I want to see my children grow up. I was concerned with how I was going to take care of my children and homeschool them during treatment. However, I felt blessed that I had the choice of two targeted therapies, whose side effects are more manageable than chemo and radiation. After reading through the trial information, I prayed for guidance. I didn’t want to make the decision on my own. The next morning, I knew that I wanted to move forward with the clinical trial. A week later, I was ready to start my treatment. I ended up on the trial arm with the Afatinib pill (every day) plus Cetuximab injection (twice a month).
This journey has really tested my faith. In the beginning I felt so lost and so alone. But after much prayer and support from my church, my friends, and my family, I know now that I am not alone in this. I lean into Him more than I have ever in my life. My faith has been made stronger, I am more peaceful, and I can now empathize with others dealing with cancer. It has been a blessing to me to be able to give others suffering with this disease the same prayer, comfort, and love that I was given. I have been able to put others before me, to love unconditionally, and to enjoy the small things in life.
I’ve learned to slow down and appreciate time with those that I love. The saying, “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away” holds so much truth for me. It’s about not waiting for the storm to pass but instead learning to dance in the rain. I may have cancer but cancer will NEVER have me. It will NEVER keep me from enjoying my life. My family is my reason for fighting and I will not stop.